Where Do All of the Ice Scrapers Go?

Around this time of each year, those of us unfortunate lucky enough to live in the Midwest find ourselves in need of an ice scraper.  I realize such an item probably isn't commonly found in Southern California or Arizona or Florida or anywhere else that Social Security payees tend to congregate, but here in South Dakota it is a given that each and every car on the road during the months of October or November through February (and sometimes into early May) will have at least one ice scraping device readily available.


However, when the Spring thaw rolls around each year, we tend to forget about these valuable pieces of plastic as they are pushed under seats, stuffed into glove boxes, retired to trunks, or perhaps even moved into a box full of hats and gloves which is put into storage for another year.


The real question is - when winter rolls around again and we find ourselves in the need of an ice scraper, do you think we could actually find it?  This leads me to believe the companies who manufacture ice scrapers do so with biodegradable plastic with no more than a seven month shelf life.  Either that or snow has some type of a negative effect upon long term memory... which might actually make more sense.


I cannot even begin to guess how many ice scrapers I have purchased throughout my lifetime, but I'd be willing to bet I average at least one a year.  At one point I thought I was getting ahead of the game by purchasing two when they were on clearance in the spring with the thought that surely one of them should be available for that first snowfall the following season.  However, as luck would have it, when the first snowfall came I had to resort to using an old CD to scrape the snow off the windshield as I mutter some choice words under my breath and wonder what I did with my ice scrapers.  Don't worry about the CD though... it was a mix CD I created myself and was already scratched bad enough that it really didn't matter.  


Although come to think of it perhaps I should place a Vanilla Ice CD in my car for just such an occasion... scraping a windshield with a CD containing a song entitled "Ice Ice Baby" seems rather fitting.  Then again on second thought, nothing really justifies owning a Vanilla Ice CD, so scratch that idea.


In any case, once again I find myself at Target choosing from the plethora of ice scrapers they have available.  From experience I have learned what works and what merely looks like it works, and I have also found that there really hasn't been anything innovative from the ice scraping community in decades.  Yes we have all seen the ice scrapers that plug into the 12V outlet and try to melt the snow and ice (they don't work) and we have seen the type with the brass blade that is supposed to work better than plastic (not really).  We have also seen the scrapers that come with their own gloves (which makes sense for those days where it is warm enough you don't already have gloves on, but cold enough to still have snow on your car (never), and we have seen scrapers with brushes and extension wands and ice chippers and built-in flashlights and all types of gimmicky attachments, but at the end of the day they rarely work any better than the $1.99 plastic ice scraper sold at almost any convenience store coupled with a coat sleeve used to brush off the fluffy stuff.


Yes there will be swearing when some snow finds its way up the sleeve, and more choice words when we are back in the vehicle and realize even after all that scraping the windshield wipers are still stuck to the glass.  Of course my personal favorite is when you spend ten minutes scraping windows to where they look great right up until the point you start moving forward at anything greater than seven mph and all of the snow from the hood decides it now prefers the windshield.  This in turn causes you to hit the brakes and do the "ice ostrich" move where you bob your head around looking for any area of six square inches or more of clear glass through which you can (quite dangerously) navigate the city streets until the defroster kicks in!


Come to think of it, I think 80% of the reason those remote car starters are so popular in this part of the country is because people just got tired of looking for their ice scrapers.  It is much easier to just hit a button 15 minutes before you want to go somewhere rather than contemplating where that little piece of plastic disappeared to.  Yes even a cheap remote starter is probably in excess of $200 and yes that will probably buy decades worth of ice-scrapers, but if you add up all the hours saved by not having to search for the scraper, then maybe the return on your investment starts to pay off.


The truth is I'm pretty sure I know where all the missing ice scrapers go.  The same gremlin that seems to steal just one sock out of the dryer also has an affinity for ice scrapers, and thus he steals them when we aren't looking.  Rest assured somewhere out there is a huge pile of ice scrapers all tucked neatly away in socks to keep them clean, dry, and warm.

Are You a Carrot, an Egg or a Coffee Bean?

I was recently sent this story about how different people react to life's challenges, and I thought it was interesting enough to warrant sharing:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

 "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

 Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, Mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrots went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, they softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting in the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy. That's because ... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.

I realize analogies like this are simply clever ways to make a point, although whether they have any lasting effect is left entirely up to the reader. Personally I'm not a huge proponent of self-help remedies or catchy anecdotes as I tend to believe people are typically set on their respective paths and can only change when they decide to do so rather than on the advice from another or based upon a witty analogy or bumper sticker catch phrase. Although I have no science, statistics, or empirical evidence to support my theory, I would guess real significant personal change only occurs in approximately one of around a thousand people.

I am reluctant to say people can't change, but rather deep down I'm not sure people really want to change. I think if we are honest with ourselves, most of us would likely admit we would prefer others to adapt to us rather than us changing to fulfill some societal obligation.

I suppose I could draft my own analogy using objects tossed out off of a 5,000 foot cliff above jagged, razor-sharp rocks in the middle of a remote landscape. So what is the difference between a bowling ball, a helium balloon, and a pair of hiking boots?

If you throw all three of these objects over the edge of the cliff, they all respond differently. If you throw the bowling ball, it will succumb to the oppressive force of gravity and fall until it hits the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. Most likely the bowling ball will fracture or perhaps even break into pieces, and it will never again be used for its intended purpose. If you release the balloon, it will fight against the force of gravity and sail into the sky where wind currents will determine its path, and although it will eventually return to earth it will most likely do so in a safer location and at a much more gentle rate of descent. The balloon's path is unpredictable even if we believe we know the end result. However if you throw the hiking boots, they will bounce down the face of the cliff and land at the bottom out of view. They will likely be separated from one another and most likely will never be seen again.

So what is the difference between these three objects? Well when forced to go one direction, the bowling ball simply followed a path which guaranteed a disastrous ending. On the other hand the balloon responded differently and took its own unpredictable path keeping it safe from immediate harm. The hiking boots responded much in the same way as the bowling ball, and although this might not seem like an important differentiation to most people, to the guy who just tossed his hiking boots over the side of a 5,000 foot cliff this is a rather important event, because now this idiot has to continue his hike barefoot.

So which are you... a bowling ball, a balloon, or a pair of hiking boots once worn by a moron?

The McNugget Dilemma

I have to admit it… I’m a fan of McDonalds.  I know the food is bad for me and I assume that each and every meal I choose to eat at McDonalds probably shortens my life by a measurable amount, and I understand that it is far from fine dining.  I understand the average McDonalds menu item has more sodium and calories in it than many children from Haiti eat in a month, and I wholeheartedly admit that even though they are offered I never order a salad or anything which could in any way be misconstrued for being remotely healthy.

Although I will never even attempt to compare the taste or quality of McDonalds with more expensive eateries, when it comes to fast food McDonalds does it about as good as anyone, and thus when it comes time to decide which drive thru is going to get my business on a particular day, McDonalds probably earns that dubious distinction more than any other.  Maybe it is the fries that are quite simply the best french fry of any fast food chain.  Maybe it is the “limited time only” offerings of the McRib or Monopoly game pieces.  Or maybe it is due to childhood nostalgia that surrounds the idea of a Happy Meal.

One thing I can promise is that my appreciation for McDonalds has nothing to do with Ronald McDonald himself.  It might be due to the fact that he is nothing more than a talking clown (and everyone knows clowns are just scary), or it might have something to do with the overall creepy “pedophile-like” demeanor, but I can honestly say I have never been a fan of Ronald McDonald.

That said, ever since I was a kid I’ve always liked the McNuggets.  I’ve bounced back and forth from sweet & sour sauce to barbeque sauce, and I’ve lived long enough to remember when they sold the nuggets in six piece, nine piece, or 20 piece boxes before they moved to the ten piece standard that is common today.  For a while I thought the chicken selects would soon replace nuggets as my preferred choice for tiny bits of chicken deliciousness, but eventually I migrated back to the nuggets and find myself ordering them more than anything else on the menu.

So of course ordering nuggets as often as I do has led me to a conundrum which I have affectionately labeled “the McNugget dilemma”.  The basic premise is, from time to time I have discovered an order of ten nuggets doesn’t always contain 10 nuggets.  On rare occasion I have been shorted a nugget, but it seems most of the time if there is a counting error it is in my favor, which translates to 11 nuggets (or one time it was 12 nuggets).

Now I fully realize in some cases the McDonalds employee who is putting the nuggets into the little box might have one or two extra nuggets in a batch so they just toss them in my box as a free bonus, but I have to wonder how often this odd number of nuggets is actually due to human error.

Thus, when receiving 11 nuggets should I be happy I have received a free (and tasty) bonus McNugget, or should I be sad that the McDonalds worker who prepared my meal lacks the ability to accurately count to 10?  These are the types of questions I struggle with, and I dare say I’m not the only one.

Question of the Day

Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of pizza we consume is round, yet when you order a pizza it most often is delivered in a square box?  Seems like a lot of wasted space if you ask me.

Yes I know Domino's has clipped corners on their box, but it isn't exactly round by any means.  Papa Johns attempts to make use of this extra space by tossing in some dipping sauces and a pepper or two (which almost always end up in the trash), and occasionally you will find a pizza place that actually makes square or rectangular shaped pizza, but it is pretty rare.

I wonder how much extra space is delivered to American households in the average day.  I'd say the guy who can invent a round pizza box that can be produced economically (at least as cheap as the more common square boxes) is going to be one very rich man.

Maybe they should get one of the Ikea designers to work on this... those guys are experts at efficient design and know how to pack the absolute most amount of product into the smallest possible container.

Baby Names and Professions

What is it with people wanting to name their kids after professions or activities?  Oh sure it all started innocent enough when someone decided to name their kid “Taylor” but spell it T-A-I-L-O-R, but next thing you know you have kids named Hunter, Priest, Lawyer, Carpenter, or Judge. 

Do parents actually think naming a kid something will lead them to follow that career or be interested in that activity?  If so I imagine those people who have named their daughter Candy probably wanted her to be a confectioner... or perhaps they just gave up all hope even before she was born and assumed she would be a stripper.

Parents who have named their son Hunter probably wanted to ensure he liked the outdoors, and parents who named their kid Dusty are probably just assuming he will be dirty his entire life.  However, if parents really do put emphasis on names as professions, DeForest Kelley’s mother most likely really wanted him to be a logger... specifically a logger in Ireland.  

Of course above all else is the former NASCAR driver with the name Dick Trickle… he must have been a huge disappointment to his parents as it seems they had their sights set on him becoming either a porn star or a spokesperson for Flomax.

That said, there is actually some science behind names.  I recently was listening to a radio program where New York Times columnist David Brooks spoke about “brain sculpture”.  He spoke of studies that have shown people named Dennis are disproportionately destined to become dentists and that people named Laurence are disproportionately likely to become lawyers.

According to Brooks in some sense people have a vague sense that they like the familiar – so they gravitate to words (and concepts) that are familiar to them.  The mind seeks out familiarity, and this is just one way it presents itself.  I suppose some might call it fate, others coincidence, but if you are taking the chance on naming your child after something you hope they can strive to become, might I suggest you name your child "Doctor", "Actor" or "President"?