The Art of Precrastinating

Some have said procrastinating is an artform, but what those people fail to understand is there is a select group among the human race who actually plan ahead to ensure their procrastination is as effective as possible.  I have decided this incredible planning shall be called "Precrastinating".  I thought about "pre-procrastinating", but that is just confusing, so I'm sticking with precrastinating.  Try to keep up.

It takes a special kind of person to precrastinate.  Anyone can keep putting things off for as long as possible so that really isn't all that impressive.  Congress has been procrastinating about how to deal with our exploding national debt for decades while they convince us it is one of the most significant issues impacting the future of our nation, so should I really feel bad if I postpone doing laundry for a week or so?

Hell, Hugh Hefner has been putting off death for at least ten years and he does it is his pajamas so how hard could it be to procrastinate?  My three year old daughter has discovered it is much easier to simply say we will take a bath later than it is to actually take the bath, so it seems clear that almost anyone from the very young to the very old is capable of procrastination and it doesn't even require practice to be good at it.

The real visionary actually plans ahead when it is time to procrastinate.  They don't get backed into a corner and then grasp for some excuse on how to put something off but rather they prepare well in advance to have ample excuses at the ready.  In effect you could say they plan to fail rather than fail to plan, and even though that seems like the exact opposite of what you would expect, it just happens to work.

If procrastination is considered an art, then precrastination is considered a science.  A well-versed precrastinator will make sure everything is in play long before the big moment.  If the task at hand involves painting a house, the precrastinator will check weather reports to determine if the days ahead are suitable for painting, and when they discover the forecast involves sunshine and warm weather, they will suddenly determine it is a perfect opportunity to visit uncle Ralph over in Toledo for a few days.  Only a novice would dare wait until the day in question to put something off that could be put off much sooner.  This requires forethought.  This requires skill.  This requires the energy to develop a plan which can then be put into place ahead of the task or event which is to be pushed off.  Perhaps most importantly, this requires the foresight to anticipate any potential problems and have additional backup plans in place to counter them.

It surely isn't a one-dimensional problem.  The skilled precrastinator sees everything on levels.  They are like a grandmaster chess player who sees three, four or five moves ahead.  They aren't shocked at the events that occur because they have already planned for them, and as such a true precrastinator is both a planner as well as a procrastinator... something very uncommon with the community of lazy people.

What Was Once Old... Is New Again

Have you ever heard the phrase "what was once old is new again"?   I'm here to tell you that that particular phrase is idiotic.  Just think about it... whoever started using that phrase is trying to suggest if you wait long enough that an old item will somehow become new, and I have to tell you based upon what I know of time travel and basic laws of physics that just isn't possible.

I understand why people use this phrase, but I just disagree with the premise.  For example someone might comment that teenage girls are now starting to wear leg warmers with their skirts, which as we all know was as style that was very popular in the 1980s.  So, it isn't surprising when someone utters the cliche that what was once old is new again, but in reality legwarmers aren't new.  The style of wearing legwarmers isn't new either, so really there is nothing new about it. 

This is just a matter of people revisiting an old style, but simply revisiting something does not in any way make it new.  If that were true, I'd be driving a new car every morning when I head to work.  So are we to believe if you do a specific act each day it becomes old, but if you wait a few months or a few years and then do that same thing again that it is new?  Hogwash.

Listen... things can only be new once.  Anything after that point is old.  I know this will pain many 40-something women out there who are starting to see gray hair and wrinkles when they look in the mirror, but it isn't meant to be mean.  It doesn't matter if we are talking about items, people, or styles... old is old, and new is new.  There is no such thing as old becoming new just as new cannot be old, so adapt and get over it.

Another thing that bothers me is this stupid word "renew".  You cannot re-new something.  It was once new... and now it is old.  If it was new yesterday you might argue it is almost new today (which holds up a lot better if you are talking about a car as opposed to a ham sandwich), but you can't just "renew" everything and pretend it is new once again.  It might be new to you, you might find a new way of looking at things, but if something existed or was done at any time in the past, it just isn't new anymore. 

I renew magazine subscriptions... does that mean the magazine is entirely new?  Of course not!  Although that particular issue of the magazine might be new, the magazine itself, and the subscription to said magazine is not new... so is it really possible to re-new something?  Not really.  The term re-new is just a fancy way of selling us something again without letting us know we aren't really getting anything new.

It all comes down to the fact that we as humans have a desire to have new things.  Whether they are really, truly "new", or just "new to us" doesn't seem to matter.  In fact many people collect antiques that they know are old, but they don't refer to them as old things or used things because that doesn't sound as nice as the terms vintage, antique, historic, or whatever label they choose to use instead of simply saying they are old.  So, we somehow are tricking ourselves into thinking these old things are actually new, and we use colorful language to make the differentiation in order to appease our own minds.

So now it all makes sense.  I realize not everyone feels the same way, but I have a new way of thinking about things.  Or is that an old way of thinking about things?

Why I Hate Best Buy

I like technology.  At one point I was a Certified Electronics Technician and a member of the Society of Broadcast Engineers.  I spent a full year of my higher education studying electronics and building things like AM/FM radios, wireless transmitters, and even my own Digital Multimeter.  I've built my own circuit boards from scratch including using acid to etch the circuit traces, I've built my own computers, wired numerous vehicles with audio systems, worked in the IT industry for over a decade, held the title of "Engineer" at more than one point in my career, and am the guy who friends and family members call when they need someone to wire their home theater or troubleshoot a PC problem.  I'm what you might call a geek.  I admit this and don't feel it is a derogatory term.

With all of that said... I hate Best Buy.  In fact, of all of the techie (or dare I say geeky) people I know... none of them like Best Buy.  People like me tend to treat Best Buy as nothing more than a showroom for Amazon, Newegg, or Monoprice because we know enough to prevent us from actually buying anything from Best Buy.

It isn't that Best Buy doesn't have what I want - because they often do.  One of their primary problems is their prices are outrageous and even their sale prices are above what I can find the same product for elsewhere.  When it comes to accessories like cables and television mounts they are often times 500% to 1000% more expensive than their online counterparts.

However prices alone aren't even the reason I hate Best Buy.  I hate them because of the atmosphere they have created.  I hate them because of their policies.  I hate them because of their high-pressure sales tactics, continual desire to upsell everything, and sales staff that act as if they are well versed in electronics and that the customer could not possibly know more than they do.  I hate that they go out of their way to manipulate customers by using shady tactics to make less expensive televisions look worse than the more expensive alternatives or how they have product displays meant to convince people that products from Monster Cable or Bose are somehow superior than anything else.

Most of all however, I just hate that Best Buy makes you feel like you need to take a shower after you visit one of their stores.  Their customer service is horrid.  They push extended service contracts on EVERYTHING even when it makes no sense, and their salespeople are always trying to push add-ons or accessories to items that the customer simply doesn't need.

The last time I was at Best Buy I overheard one of their salespeople brag about how he was actually an employee of Apple and not of Best Buy.  Whether that is true I have no idea, but he spent the next ten minutes name dropping other Apple Employees in the area and calling himself an Engineer while customers who were looking at Apple products were ignored.

Over in the television department I had a salesman try to push me to DirecTV and bragging about their new channel lineups and how they had the NFL Sunday Ticket package before he actually knew what I had for television service or before he could be bothered to ask if I was a football fan.  He then went on to talk about the new 3D televisions as he rattled off specifications as if I should be impressed.  After I responded and informed him that I felt passive 3D technology was superior to the active system he was pushing (and I provided him reasons to support my viewpoint), he suddenly realized I wasn't just another ignorant consumer before he said in a passive-aggressive manner "maybe you should work here".

Yea right.  That would be a great career move.  Thanks, but no thanks.

I also noticed during my recent visit that a six foot HDMI cable was selling for $49.99.  Over in the videogame department, a different brand of HDMI cable was selling for $59.99.  I would love to hear the logic behind why they feel a HDMI cable for a videogame system is worth $10 more than an overpriced HDMI cable for a television, but frankly I didn't have the patience to ask one of the salesman for an explanation.  It is a digital signal - there is no need to go crazy for name brand expensive ultra high-end cables because every comparison test I have ever seen says they aren't worth the price, yet do you think Best Buy would offer a bargain cable that might appeal to the consumer?  Of course not.

The saddest part is another customer was in the process of buying one of those $50 cables and I didn't have the heart to tell them they could buy a cable that works just as well as is just as good of quality over at Monoprice for under $5.  In fact you can even get your choice of color and the cable will run $3.50 (or about 93% less cost). 

Then I noticed the price of their flat panel television mounts.  For the larger televisions, the price ranged from $129.99 to $199.99!  Are you serious.... $200 for a television mount?  I bought one a few years back from Monoprice and it ran under $25... including shipping.  That mount that Best Buy wants $200 for was a low profile mount - a generic version of that same style mount costs under $12 at Monoprice.

I understand brick and mortar stores need to charge a bit more.  I get it.  What I don't understand is why Best Buy often charges 10, 15, or 20 times as much for a nearly identical product.  Obviously nobody who is "in the know" would ever buy these types of items from Best Buy, so the only thing I can assume is that they are selling cables and wall mounts and speaker wire to people who simply don't know any better.  Is this a good business model?  Rely upon uneducated consumers as your target market?

As I said price is not the only reason I hate Best Buy.  I also hate the fact that they feel the need to "optimize" computers via their in-house Geek Squad technicians (and I use the term technician loosely here).  I've actually heard of experiences where people have tried to buy laptops from Best Buy but they have been unable to because Best Buy refuses to sell one without them adding unnecessary fees to it for their optimization service.

When it comes to LCD or Plasma calibration services it is even more idiotic.  Best Buy charges ignorant consumers $200 to "calibrate" their television which could be done by any owner within 10 or 15 minutes simply by searching for their specific model of television on a website like AVSForum and following the suggested settings.  The worse (and shadiest) part of this is that Best Buy has been caught on several occasions showing calibrated and non-calibrated televisions side by side in an effort to convince people to spend the extra money, but it has been discovered that they show a High Definition (HD) signal on the calibrated set while they show a Standard Definition (SD) signal on the non-calibrated set.  Some people have no shame.

I have also noticed that they can charge anywhere from $39.99 to $99.99 to perform basic tasks on a PC such as installing anti-virus software or applying OS patches and updates.  In many cases if they install software all they do is insert the disk, click next, next, next, finish... and charge the customer $40.  I fail to see how this is at all reasonable - especially when they rely upon consumers not knowing any better.

Of course if you do end up purchasing something from Best Buy, be prepared to be bombarded at the checkout as the clerk makes one final push to convince you that the service plan is a great idea.  Then of course there is a rewards program that you should be a member of, there is a great deal on their on-demand video service or a discount on DirecTV that you need to be aware of.  Do you need any batteries or a gift card to go along with that?  Fifteen minutes later you might be able to head for the exit only to have the "Security" guard ask to see your receipt because you happen to walk a total of 20 feet from the cash register to the door and obviously that suggests you must have been trying to steal something.

When it comes to returns, things don't get any better.  I was once near their service desk when a rather angry customer was trying to return a dishwasher.  He had paid for one model, but after driving home and installing the dishwasher, it was discovered Best Buy had given him the wrong model.  He apparently tried to resolve the issue over the phone, but since Best Buy didn't believe him he had no choice but to uninstall the dishwasher, drive all the way back to Best Buy, and then argue with a manager about how their screwup was their fault and he should be compensated.

Did I mention the guy had a two hour drive to his home?  Yea... I imagine I would be slightly upset as well, yet the part of the conversation I was hearing involved the manager trying to blame the customer for not checking the model number on the box against his receipt.  This is the mentality at Best Buy - when in doubt, just blame the customer.

I could go on for hours.  I have at least a half dozen similar stories about Best Buy customer service, and at least a half dozen examples of how they have either gone out of their way to lose a sale, or they have not delivered on promises made during the time of sale... but rather than start adding chapter numbers to this post I'll just summarize by saying there are many good reasons why I don't buy things at Best Buy and why I do my best to convince others to avoid them as well.

The reality is I don't know many people in my circle of friends who actually buy things at Best Buy.  Those that do shop there are generally not the type of people who are well informed about technology, or they are merely going there to buy gift cards for kids or grandkids.  I realize my experiences are not reflective of the community as a whole, but I can't help but feel that Best Buy exists in spite of themselves.

I never hear positive news about Best Buy.  I never hear people brag about how they love the store.  I don't hear about how someone got an amazing deal or how they were treated so well.  I also don't read good news about Best Buy, their stock price, their finances, or their prospects.  This all has convinced me that if Best Buy continues doing the same things as they have been doing - they will continue to lose customers and they will continue circling the drain as they follow in the footsteps of other electronics retailers like Ultimate Electronics or Circuit City.

The funny thing is - I'm not the only person saying these types of things about Best Buy.  I recently read an article on the Forbes website written by Larry Downes that makes many of the same points as I have made here.  Downes has his own real-world examples of why Best Buy is a failure, but he also cites specific data about their financial condition, their declining revenue, and some of their recent missteps. 

Mr. Downes actually suggests that Best Buy is actually going out of business - even if they don't know it yet.  I felt it was a great read, and surely worth a few minutes of your time if you are at all interested in the subject matter.

Cliché of the Day: You Get What You Pay For

Have you ever heard someone say "you get what you pay for"?  I may be naive, but for the most part when I pay for something... I do actually get something in return.  Thus if I paid for it, I would get it - and this phrase is essentially worthless.

I understand what people are getting at.  They are suggesting that if you spend a few bucks more, you will probably get a much better product, but does that really need explaining?  You mean to tell me if you spend MORE you get MORE?  You are also telling me if I buy the cheapest possible version of a product I will get the cheapest possible version?  Alert the media!

The whole idea of a tired cliché such as "you get what you pay for" is that it is used so often people fail to even take the time to really discern what the words actually mean.  Taken at face value it is mere common sense... you may as well hear people running around yelling "gravity exists" or "rain is wet". 

Of course when you start debating the merits of a cliché  there is always that one guy who has to proclaim "there is an exception to every rule".  I will admit there is an exception to "you get what you pay for" because in some cases you might actually get something for nothing, and therefore you actually got much more than you paid for.  In other cases you might pay for something and never actually get it... as is the case if you sent a check to a Nigerian Prince who promised you untold riches for a small fee to cover the import taxes.

However for the most part, the "exception to every rule"  cliché is no better than the "you get what you pay for"  cliché.  Frankly, there is an exception to the exception to every rule, which creates a double exception.  Does that mean they cancel each other out and create a positive exception?  What exactly is the opposite of exception in the first place.... is that an inception?  I suppose it could be a parcel (integral part) but that isn't nearly as interesting.

So let's discuss what is a rule and what isn't.  In the simplest example possible, we can look at the rule that states during a baseball game if the runner is tagged with the ball before they reach the base then they are out.  Is there really an exception to that rule?  Maybe some baseball expert will correct me, but I surely can't think of one.  If the defensive player doesn't have the ball or doesn't make the tag obviously it won't be an out, but that isn't the question being posed here.  Of course this is where someone will nitpick and suggest that if the umpire doesn't see the action properly they could make the wrong call and in that case the runner might be safe by mistake... but that is a stretch.  First of all what the umpire sees is a separate issue and we are merely focusing upon what the rule says, so for the sake of discussion we must admit the rule has no exception.  The rule itself is clear - the runner is out if the proper conditions are met, but there is no exception to that rule and allows the runner to be safe if some other condition is met.

Then again if there is an exception to it, is it really a rule or more of a suggestion?  Is a rule a fact, or just a general guideline?  It seems a rule should be clearly defined and not be open to interpretation... so then we start wondering who is doing the interpreting.  Clearly we need an expert opinion and we can't just take the word of anyone walking down the street... because most people offer their opinions for free and we all  know you get what you pay for.

Right?

The Silver Briefcase

For some reason I've always wanted to own a briefcase.  Not just any briefcase mind you, but one of those silver metal briefcases used in countless TV shows and movies.  It was often seen holding piles of cash (used for ransoms, bribes, or black market arms deals), various forms of illegal drugs, or in some cases a bomb with a visual countdown timer comprised of large red digits.

This all reminds me of something I've noticed about these briefcases though.  Did you ever notice when the "bad guys" passed a load of cash or drugs they always sent the case along with?  I guess when you are exchanging a few hundred grand perhaps it doesn't matter that you are giving up a $400 briefcase, but what if the drug dealer had a sentimental attachment to the case?  Can they just dump the cash or the drugs into a brown paper sack and send them on their way? Would they feel shortchanged if they gave up their nice shiny briefcase but in return they were given a hello kitty messenger bag?  What are the rules for bag exchanges during drug deals... this is information I just can't figure out via Wikipedia.

Also, why don't drug dealers ever use cheap duffel bags?  I have to tell you if I know I'm going to walk away from a deal with either a pile of cocaine or a pile of cash... I'm thinking I would rather have it in a backpack or something.  Because if a cop sees a guy walking down the street with a metal briefcase he might start asking questions.  On the other hand, if a cop sees someone walking around with a backpack... well that is just another guy with a backpack.  He blends in - that is the entire point right?

Ok so clearly I'm never going to actually own a silver metal briefcase, because I don't wish to be confused with a drug dealer and I don't want to deal with the hassles of the TSA if I ever decide to fly somewhere.  Plus, I'm more a function over form type of guy... so I'd much rather have something with a shoulder strap and something that I can easily stow a laptop in without needing to remember a random three digit combination.

You have to admit though... walking around with a silver briefcase would probably turn some heads.  Maybe not because people think it is cool, but people wondering if they were sucked into a time vortex and arrived back in 1987... you know - back when people actually used briefcases.