Zombies

They are in countless movies every year. They are part of popular culture not only in the US but according to several low budget horror flicks I have seen, seem to have a strange fascination for Japan as well. Zombies are referenced in television shows, mentioned in songs, found in comic books and even episodes of Scooby Doo.

Zombies are practically everywhere…..but what is the fascination? What is the fear? I’m convinced this is nothing more than yet another story blown out of proportion by the anti-zombie crowd among us. It must be the liberal media conspiracy machine back at work just like they were when they told us the killer bees were coming or SARs was going to kill us all or when they tried to tell us some magical type of bird flu was going to wipe out the planet or that global warming was going to melt the polar ice caps.

OK well maybe not the global warming thing since that is actually a legitimate concern – but the rest of that crap is a conspiracy! It is time we stood up and took action against those who seek to persecute zombies! When you really look at this objectively, it is nothing short of profiling.

I mean honestly – do you know a single person who has ever had their brains sucked out by a zombie? Have you ever heard anyone who was walking through a cemetery at night when all of the sudden one of the graves opened up and a zombie crawled out through the fog (that just happens to look an awful lot like smoke) and started chasing them while moaning?

Exactly! It is just myths being perpetuated via some sort of Chinese telegraph experiment. I really think Zombies are getting an undeserved reputation here – they never hurt anyone but mothers live in a constant state of fear that a zombie is going to come and kidnap, hurt, or even kill their children.

Even worse than the mothers are those who choose to stereotype zombies as if they are all the same. Just look at the movie I Am Legend with Will Smith. Not only does the movie push the myth that zombies can only be active at night, but it actually tries to suggest zombies are attracted to human blood. Can you imagine the uproar if someone suggested rednecks are attracted to plastic flamingos and are only capable of showing emotion when speaking of their favorite NASCAR driver?

Stereotypes can hurt – so why are we singling out the zombies?

Then you have the Cranberries (the band, not the tasty juice squeezed by those Ocean Spray guys). They actually use one of their songs to say this: “In your head, in your head – zombie, zombie, zombie.” I mean why don’t they just come out and tell us that zombies will eat your brains if you let them…..why beat around the bush. I see through you Cranberries – I’m on to you.

I guess my point is all this hostility towards zombies is misplaced. Maybe zombies are merely misunderstood? Maybe they are much like bears and they are just as scared of us as we are of them. Maybe we just need to form some type of zombie-human coalition so we can work towards a common goal of eradicating myths and stereotypes.

Imagine how much better we would all be if zombies were treated with a little respect.

I’m just sayin…