The Talk Radio Business Model – Above All Else, Prey Upon Fear

Have you ever stopped to actually think who the core demographic of talk radio really is? Who are the people who can devote three or more hours of their day to a particular program or radio station? Who are the types of people who listen to the drivel day in and day out while nodding in agreement or repeating the clever insults and catch phrases to their friends and family? Who are the people who actually think the talk radio pundits are actually journalists as opposed to their true role as entertainers?

I’ve often wondered who these people are, and I often wonder what common trait exists among those who clearly pull 98% of their political opinions from one particular talk radio host or another. These are the people who are always convinced political party ‘A’ is right while political party ‘B’ is wrong, and I’m sure everyone has met a few of them in their lifetime.

Now I’ll admit that if I’m near a radio at lunchtime I will sometimes tune to talk radio to be entertained… but that is where it stops. I admit and recognize that talk radio exists for one true purpose, and that purpose is to entertain rather than inform. If you want to be informed you can listen to the news, if you want to be entertained (and you aren’t particular interested in sports), you have talk radio.

The scary thing is, it seems that many people are unable or unwilling to draw the distinction between entertainment and information, and for them talk radio becomes less about entertainment and more about providing them insight. The type of insight which is based upon rumor, falsehoods, distortions and flat out lies. The type of insight which makes me question the true intelligence of the common man. The type of insight which reaffirms my belief that the ignorant and the uneducated are easily influenced by those who are adept at preying upon fear.

Because when you really boil it all down, that is what it is all about… fear. You can listen to the programs themselves and hear about how a certain politician or a specific government program are going to ruin the American way of life. You can hear how they believe one political party is the source of all that is evil and how if you don’t vote for the other party your children and grandchildren will be those that suffer. Time after time after time, if you toss aside all of the fluff and excess, when you objectively look at any given subject you will find the basis is nothing other than fear. The pundits know if they can scare the listener, that listener will keep coming back for more.

Nowhere is this concept more obvious than the one time you would expect the theme of fear to be absent. I’m talking about the commercial breaks in between segments, and if you take some time to actually listen you will soon discover that the advertisers have found a niche market, and that niche involves the concept of fear. Millions upon millions of dollars in advertising are spent every year, and it is very obvious that those marketing firms know the true demographic listening to talk radio at any given point is one built upon fear – thus they cater to, and profit from, that demographic.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at the list below of some of the advertisements presented during the commercial breaks of talk radio.

• Lifelock – appealing to the fear of identity theft.

• Broadview / Brinks Home Security – appealing to the fear of burglary or home invasion.

• Identity Guard – another product that appeals to the fear of identity theft.

• Tax Masters – appeals to the fear of the IRS “stealing” money or leaving a person destitute.

• Various Gold Investing Firms – preying upon the loss of net worth in the stock market and retirement plans. Also suggests the apocalyptic scenario where paper money holds no value.

• Law Firms specializing in Asbestos – Appeals to the fear that surviving family members might not be taken care of in the case of severe disability or *gasp* death. Also appeals the desire to hold someone or something else accountable for anything bad which might happen in one’s life.

• Personal Injury Lawsuits – see above.

• Life Insurance – again this appeals to the fear that loved ones won’t be financially secure if the primary bread winner is no longer around to provide.

• Carbonite Online Backup Software – appeals to the fear that a computer will crash resulting in the loss of financial data, vital documents, or irreplaceable files, photos etc.

• Prostate Medications – appeals to the fear that health problems (namely cancer) will end a life prematurely.

• Debt Management and Debt Collections services – appeals to the fear that ‘evil’ corporations will take all of a persons earnings leaving them with nothing.

• Legal Zoom online legal documents – appeals to the fear that a person will die without a proper will or living trust being established. Also appeals to the fear the government will seize assets leaving surviving family members with nothing.

So as you can see, between disaster coverage, legal services, and various forms of self protection services all of these products have one thing in common. They all appeal to some level of fear.

Now if this were only a small percentage of the ads or if I cherry picked these ads over a period of two or three months it might not be all that indicative of a larger issue, but the fact is every single one of these advertisements were heard within 90 minutes of talk radio. Not 90 days, not 90 hours – but 90 minutes. On other days I was able to hear the same ads or slight variations of them time and time again, and during the times I listened there were very few other ads that weren’t based in some way upon fear.

In fact I can only recall one ad that seemed out of place, and that was for a Sleep Number bed. I suppose I could stretch and twist to make it sound like that ad was appealing to a concern about bad backs, but for all intents and purposes I think that just boils down to the marketing strategy of the Sleep Number people involving market saturation and less about meeting a specific demographic.

I never heard a commercial about cleaning products. I never heard a commercial about automobiles or travel services or toothpaste or coffee. I never heard an ad pertaining to beer or chewing gum or fast food, and I never heard anything in relation to gasoline, shampoo, or clothing.

Time and time again, day after day, the vast majority of ads I ever hear pertain to fear, and the only logical conclusion that can be reached is that advertisers know the target core demographic that tunes into talk radio on a daily basis is scared. They might be scared about their finances or scared about their health or scared about the government, about home security, or maybe just scared about common sense or logic – but in some way these people are scared.

So if the advertisers know it, doesn’t it make sense that the talk radio hosts know it as well? Don’t kid yourself – they know it, they count on it, and they prey upon it… that much is certain. So maybe the next time you hear someone quote something direct from the mouth of a talk radio host you should ask yourself… what are they afraid of?

Saving Money Without Adjusting Your Lifestyle

In a troubled economy it seems everyone is looking for new ways to save money, but most of these ideas involve major lifestyle changes – and they don’t have to.

Let’s face it… humans are creates of habit, and once we have grown accustomed to having cable television, high speed Internet and going out to eat four or five times a week, it isn’t easy to go back to basics. However, saving money doesn’t have to be so hard – it just takes a little creative thinking.

Over the past year or so I must have read at least a few dozen different articles with suggestions on how people can save money. Whether it be such creative solutions as making coffee at home instead of ordering from Starbucks, packing lunch instead of eating out, biking to work instead of driving, or going to the library instead of the bookstore, most of these ideas have one thing in common… they force the individual to make lifestyle changes they wouldn’t normally be willing to consider if the economy (and their paychecks) were growing instead of shrinking.

Because of this, I thought it was time to list a few of my ideas on how to save money that don’t require any major lifestyle changes or dramatic sacrifices. Not only will these help people save a few bucks here or there, but for the most part these ideas are invisible and after reading them you might just find you do a few of them already even without thinking of it.
So without further drama, here are a few ideas to get you started…

Stop Being So Loyal

This might seem a bit odd if we are talking about family or friends, but in this context we are talking about products and companies. Often times people will purchase the same type of bathroom tissue or the same brand of diapers or even shop at the same stores time and time again without ever taking the time to realize they are missing out on some money saving opportunities.

For example, if you are the type to always buy Tide laundry detergent, have you ever thought about looking at the competition? Often times coupons or sales exist which could reduce your cost per load of laundry by 50% or more. Ask friends what they use and what they think – read reviews found online or within Consumers magazines, and stop being so brand loyal. You will soon find out that your habit of always buying Tide has just been costing you money and not making your clothes look any better.

I have found by purchasing when items are on sale or when I happen to have coupons for a specific brand, I can save hundreds of dollars a year. If you look at the shelf above my washing machine you will typically see no less than three or four brands of laundry detergent because I don’t care about brands… I only care about my clothes getting clean, and from experience I have found which brands work well versus which are just watered down or overpriced. If you open my bathroom closet you will most likely find two or three different brands of shampoo and a couple of different brands of soap. As long as the product does the job I see no reason to remain brand loyal.

The same is true for other commodities such as paper products, soda, clothing, shoes, or even deodorant. If you can look beyond the marketing hype you might just find that you like the taste of the generic soda just as much if not more than the name brand, and it can save you a ton of money without having to give up soda all together.

If you have the room to keep extra at home, you can save a pile of cash simply by buying items when they are on sale and keeping them until you use them. So what if you have a three month supply of toothpaste or a six month supply of toilet tissue…as long as the product won’t expire or go bad before you have a chance to use it, there is no reason to not stock up when the price is right. Granted this won’t work with many grocery items, but if you use a little common sense you will soon find your dollar can go much further.

To take this to the next level, consider shopping at stores you haven’t thought of in the past. Perhaps you drive by a dollar store on your way home from work but have never thought about stopping. Since it isn’t out of your way, take a few minutes to go inside and see what you can find. You might be surprised to learn that those paper towels and napkins work just as well as the brand you have been buying from the big retailer, but they cost 60% less.

Look for BOGO or “Free with Purchase” Discounts

So much of the time we tend to make shopping lists and we only buy something when we are running low or completely out. I tend to think of toothpaste as one of these items, and most people only buy one or two tubes at a time. However if you pay attention you will often see deals on toothpaste where they give you a free travel size with the purchase of a regular size tube, or perhaps they throw in a toothbrush for free.

If the actual cost for the tube hasn’t been inflated for this “free” bonus, and if the cost is competitive – it’s a great time to stock up. Buy four or five tubes and all of the sudden you have enough free toothbrushes for the whole family.

The same holds true with other products whether it be shampoo or cereal. If you are going to need that product anyway, and it happens to be on sale or attached to a free item – it is never a bad idea to stock up. The only warning is you MUST be sure you actually need and will use the product. There is no use buying a can of shaving cream that comes packaged with a free disposable razor if you are the type of guy who always uses an electric shaver.

Pay attention and be smart about your choices and you will save money – without ever having to cut corners.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For a Discount

No I’m not talking about haggling with the cashier at Wal-Mart - I’m talking about your cellphone, cable, or even garbage service bills. I was once told “you don’t deserve anything you don’t ask for” and that seems to apply in this case.

I recently received a mailer from a competing garbage service and it was at least 20-30% less expensive than the service I was using. When I went to cancel my existing service I was immediately offered a discount and one free month of service. Now in this case the new service was still less expensive so I passed on the offer, but had I not called I would have never known about their discount. In this economy, businesses cannot afford to lose customers, so it can work to your advantage.

Another example was from a few years ago when I was using a TiVo. I loved my TiVo, but when I switched from cable to DirecTV and upgraded to HD televisions with a HD DVR, my old TiVo just wasn’t as useful. When I called to cancel my service, TiVo offered me six months worth of service for free, and that was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I moved the TiVo into the bedroom where we still had a regular SD television and continued to use it. Had I not called to cancel my service I would have never received this offer. Granted I did eventually call to cancel before the six months was up, but essentially I was given six months of service for free.

By simply taking a few minutes to call your cell phone company or your landline or Internet provider, you might find that you can save quite a bit of money without having to change anything. If the company is unwilling to offer a discount, don’t be afraid to take your business elsewhere… nothing gets the attention of a company faster than threatening to move on to their direct competitor.

Share

Yes – the concept we were all taught by the time we were in kindergarten is still as useful now as it was then. In fact sharing can be one of the most efficient ways to save money and it doesn’t really require any additional work to do so.

A while back I was working on a home improvement project and needed a tile saw to cut some porcelain tile. I thought about buying one but it didn’t seem worth owning it considering I would probably only need it this one time. Renting was an option, but since the rental fee was around $40 a day I figured it would cost me at least $120-$160 to do the complete job.

However during a conversation at work I learned a co-worker had finished several tile jobs of his own and he had his own tile saw which was now sitting in the garage unused. I asked him if he would consider loaning me the saw for a few days and he was happy to do so. At the end of the job I purchased a $30 replacement blade for his saw as a thank-you and returned it. Not only did this save me a considerable amount of money, but I don’t have to store a tile saw in my garage that I might never use again.

Of course it goes both ways – so if you expect to borrow from others, you need to be able to share as well. When a friend needed some cable tools to install a few cable jacks or when a family member needed a paint sprayer to paint his house I was able to provide what they needed because I had the items on hand, and I know if the situation was reversed they are more than willing to help me out.

Tools are just one example of things which can be borrowed or loaned, but other examples might be a pickup truck for that once a year trip to the city dump or maybe you could loan that portable DVD player you have to some friends so their children have something to enjoy during a week long road trip (the parents and the children will both thank you).

Taken a step further, if you have a good relationship with a family member or neighbor you could consider buying certain items together to save money. Maybe you only need a garden tiller once a year – if you buy the tiller with a friend, neighbor, or family member you each can use it but you will reduce your cost by at least 50%. Find three or four people to each chip in for large ticket items such as garden machines, pressure sprayers, or a utility trailer and the cost goes down even further.

One note of caution however – always have a written agreement in place every time you loan out an item. If the item is damaged while on loan, the person who borrowed it should know their responsibility is to repair or replace that item no questions asked. If you are buying an item with a buddy or neighbor, ensure you agree beforehand on who will store it, who will maintain it, and what will happen if one of you decides to move to another city etc. A little pre-planning can go a long way towards eliminating problems down the road.

Even non-tangible assets can be shared. For instance maybe you have a membership to a warehouse club like Sam’s or Costco. You might consider having a friend shop with you and you could split the cost of the yearly membership. Of course you should check the terms of the membership agreement beforehand to ensure you aren’t violating their terms, but in many cases this is a quick way to not only save money on the membership, but because you are likely shopping together you can also carpool to the store and even divide up items that come in large quantities to save even more.

Reuse Instead of Recycle

Most everyone knows the benefits of recycling, but what about reusing items instead of sending them off to be recycled? Better yet, what about making shopping decisions based upon the ability to reuse some of the packaging?

Case in point – when I go to buy margarine, I have found through experience that many brands taste exactly the same, so there is no use in me going out of my way (or spending more) for one specific brand. Therefore, if the cost is relatively the same, I will often purchase a brand of margarine that comes in a container that I feel I can re-use for another purpose.

Several years ago I found one brand that came in a red bowl with a clear top – and there was no writing on the plastic whatsoever, so these bowls came in very handy for leftovers or in a pinch they could even be used for cereal bowls. If I was bringing food into work or sharing something with a friend I never had to worry about getting the container back because they were essentially disposable.

Other products come in containers that are just as useful. At one time I had a cat which forced me to buy kitty litter on a regular basis. I found the type that came in the large bucket was just as cheap as the type that came in the bag, so I always bought the type in the bucket. When the bucket was empty, I had a bucket and lid that could be used for all types of things such as washing the car, storing materials in the garage, or in my case I used several of them for mixing mortar and grout for home improvement projects. Not only was the bucket free, but when I was done I could dispose of it with no need to clean it out or worry about dried mortar sticking to a good container.

In fact, I have found several cases of where I could buy a container full of a product cheaper than I could buy an empty container, so now before I ever recycle a plastic container whether it be from margarine, paint, baby food, or even orange juice I stop to think if it could be useful for another purpose. Not everything can or should be reused ( wouldn’t reuse a jug that contained harsh chemicals or cleaners for instance), but sometimes it makes more sense to repurpose something instead of simply throwing it out.

One other example I can think of is old t-shirts. I have used old t-shirts in my garage as shop towels for years, and I have never had to buy shop towels… ever. Between old bathroom towels that get stained or torn and my old t-shirts, I always have enough shop towels to clean up a spill or dry my hands without worrying about staining the “good towels” in the house. Every now and then I run a load of shop towels through the wash and if they get really bad I just toss them out without feeling bad about the cost because for all intents and purposes they were free.

Accept What is Given to You

I’m not talking about being polite when offered gifts or always allowing your brother to pick up the tab when you go out for dinner. I’m talking about the little extras that we so often take for granted.

I’ll freely admit I eat out for lunch almost every day, and those days that I decide to hit the drive thru lane for some fast food I almost always end up with two or three extra napkins. Now I suppose I could just toss them in the trash like most people, but instead I tend to keep them in the center console of my car.

When I end up with a fairly good stockpile of extra napkins, I take them inside and use them at home. In fact if you look at the basket that holds napkins in my house you would probably find them from almost every fast food joint in town. I realize packing my lunch instead of buying fast food every day would probably save a lot more money than a few free napkins, but the point is saving some napkins or extra condiments to reuse at home doesn’t require a change in lifestyle – but it can and does save me money.

This concept can work in a number of different areas as well. If you are a frequent business traveler, maybe you can stock up on shampoo and travel soap by taking those from the hotel at then end of your trip. Many hotels use name brand shampoos and soaps these days, so why pay for something when you can get it for free? If you happen to stay at the same franchise often enough, you could even combine bottles into a larger container for home use or simply refill a bottle you already have.

If the hotel offers a complimentary bag of coffee or some tea bags – it isn’t a bad idea to grab those either. I personally don’t drink coffee but my wife does, so if I go on a trip and come home with a few servings of coffee I know she will use them, and since the cost is zero it saves money.

Tradeshows and conventions are always a good place to accept freebies as well. I will admit I’m not the type to go grab one of everything at a tradeshow because I find it a little tacky, but if there is something I know I can use I’m not afraid to take one. Several years ago I was at an airshow and I came across a booth which had some free sunglasses. I took a pair to use that day and believe it or not three years later I’m still wearing the same sunglasses on a daily basis.

I fully realize these sunglasses were probably made in China for well under a dollar, but they have served me well longer than most pairs I have paid for. You can bet if I spent $40 or $50 for a pair of sunglasses they would be lost or broken in under six months, so who can complain about something that is free?

The bottom line is it really doesn’t take much to save a little money if you look at things from a unique perspective. I’m not suggesting anyone spends their entire day trying to find new ways to save a few pennies here or there, but it is quite possible to save money even without having to change your lifestyle… and isn’t that the entire point?

Herman Miller Bucket Drawers

Several years back (probably 2000 or 2001) I was looking for a desk to use for my computer. I wasn’t too picky but I wanted something simple, and due to my prior experience with “ready to assemble” furniture I knew I wanted something a tad more sturdy and something that would last more than 9 months without needing to be sent to a landfill.

I found myself in an office furniture store, and soon thereafter I discovered the mythical back room that was stacked with used desks, chairs, cubicle walls… you name it. The place had somewhat of an eerie feeling as if you could smell all of the old companies that found themselves in bankruptcy and were forced to liquidate and auction off their equipment.

There was no consistency in any of the furniture, and there was a collection including all shapes and styles. There were chairs that looked like they had been designed in the 70s and not used since. There were rigid metal desks that looked like you would need a small forklift to move them five feet, and there were random conference tables and work tables of all shapes and styles.

I remember noticing some of the furniture had various character flaws. Tables were scratched, desks were chipped or dented, cubicle walls had torn or dirty fabric, and there was even a single table that had a bow in the middle which made me think it would have been great for writing because your pencil would never be able to fall off the edge. I actually contemplated buying the table and flipping over the work surface so the weight of my computer monitor would actually make the desk flat again, but it just wasn’t quite right.

As my search continued, I found a simple desk about 60 inches wide by 32 inches deep. It had a top made out of laminate, a pair of funky “t” shaped black and chrome legs, two black plastic drawers and somewhat of a modern look. It was buried under another desk and some chairs, and it had probably been sitting in that room for years. It looked to be in good condition and even the keys to lock the drawers were there, so I proceeded to look for a price.

Much to my surprise, this particular desk was priced at a whopping $50. I spoke to a saleswoman and told her I’d take it, so we wrote up the bill of sale and she marked it as sold. She told me she would have someone clear off the items on top of it and get it ready to pick up, so I made arrangements to stop by within an hour to pick it up.

At the time I was driving a small car, so I enlisted the assistance of my older brother Scott to help me pick up the desk. Since he drove a SUV it would be a simple process of loading it into the back and taking it home, and as an added bonus he could help me move it. So we drove over to the store, met the saleswoman and as she held the door we proceeded to haul my new prize out and load it into the SUV.

It was fairly clear that Scott wasn’t overly impressed with my purchase and when he saw the plastic drawers he thought they looked like buckets. So, from that point forward – my new desk was referred to as “the bucket drawers”. It wasn’t called the desk with the bucket drawers or the desk with drawers that looked like buckets – it was always “the bucket drawers”.

In any case, I took the desk to the house I was living in at the time (which coincidentally was actually Scott’s house) and it became home to my computer. When I moved from the house to an apartment and from the apartment to a townhouse the desk came along for the ride, and whenever Scott saw it he would make a joke about the bucket drawers. When I moved across the state I left my desk in Scott’s basement for the time being but soon I found myself moving back and the bucket drawers were pulled out from retirement once again.

Eventually I bought a house and the desk moved with me. I had thought about replacing it with something new, but a part of me just liked the bucket drawers and saw no reason to spend money on something else. A few years after buying my house, Scott was giving away some of his furniture in preparation for a move. He had a nice oak desk and since he offered it to me I accepted. The bucket drawers looked to be on their way out.

I considered moving the desk into the garage and using it as a workbench, but I just left it sit in my basement for a while. As I used the new desk Scott had given me I realized it just wasn’t right. I couldn’t pull a chair under the desk because the arms would hit the pencil drawer. The desk had a wood top so I had to use a coaster if I had a cold drink, and my computer was constantly at risk of overheating due to the closed design of the cabinet.

I tried my best, but I soon realized my old desk was quite simply more up to the task than the new desk. One could even say I missed the bucket drawers, but in reality it was just missing the modern simplicity that comes with something that just works. Long story short I ended up sending the oak desk with a friend and the bucket drawers once again became my primary desk.

I’ve moved my desk from a house to an apartment to a townhouse, from one room to another, from the townhouse to my house, and at least three different times to three different rooms in my house. It has survived at least half a dozen different PCs in it’s time and four or five different laptops. It has been with me through three different jobs and it was with me as a single man, as a married man, and now as a father.

A few months ago my wife and I were out shopping, and we found a desk that we think would be an improvement. It has tons of more storage, and a design that would allow both of us to use the desk at the same time. There is room for more than one computer (since I have a personal desktop, a personal laptop, a work laptop, and plans to acquire a personal Mac in the near future), and it has more of a contemporary style that goes with our other furniture.

In the meantime, my sister had told me she actually liked my existing desk and would be willing to take it from me if I replaced it, so I actually considered that to be a good thing since I wouldn’t need to deal with selling it or trying to dispose of it. As my wife and I were standing in the furniture store considering the new desk I was literally seconds away from saying we wanted it, but at the last second I changed my mind. For some reason I thought the bucket drawers still had life in them. I’m not sure why, but I just didn’t think they were ready to be replaced yet.

So imagine my surprise when I was crawling under the desk one day to fish some cables up to a computer and I see this sticker that says “Herman Miller”. Now I’m not a huge fan of design and I couldn’t give you five names of designers in the world, but I had heard of Herman Miller, so I found this interesting. A few minutes later after some random Google searches, I soon learned the desk I had was designed by George Nelson for Herman miller probably sometime in the ‘60s or ‘70s and that this particular size with the drawers was worth between $800 and $1500 or even more depending upon condition.

So let me get this straight… I bought a used desk for $50 in the back room of a now-defunct office furniture store that turns out to be worth at least 16 times what I paid for it? Heck, if I could sell this thing for $1500 that would be a 3000% gain – I can’t think of a single investment in my entire life that has provided that rate of return.

If I were the type to carry around a Macbook Pro in a canvas carrying bag, wear t-shirts that were three sizes too small and be sporting a strip of hair below my lower lip then I'd probably think it was the greatest thing since the coffee shop inside of Barnes & Noble. However since I'm none of those things I still think it is a desk regardless of what fancy name might be attached to it or how much it is worth.

The thing is, even though I know the desk is worth considerably more than I thought, I really have no desire to sell the bucket drawers. They have served me well and they will continue to serve me well for years. The only problem is, I now find myself wanting to find an office chair to match the “retro modern” look and that isn’t exactly easy. I’ve seen those mesh style office chairs that would be a perfect match, but I couldn’t seem to find one in any of the stores I look at.

So wouldn’t you know it, after another little Google search I found the maker of the mesh office chair that I have desired to be none other than… you guessed it, Herman Miller. The name of the chair is the “Aeron” and apparently they have quite the following for those of us who sit in a chair for hours a day. Of course it goes without saying that the chairs are prohibitively expensive and the MSRP is over $1200! Of course you can find them online for about $600, but honestly… no office chair on the planet should cost $600. If the thing gave me a massage while balancing my checkbook and handing me an ice cold beer upon request it might, possibly be worth $600, but even then I’d have to think about it.

Sort of makes me wonder if I can find a used one sitting in back of an office furniture store.

Really?

What is it with people who feel the need to clip their fingernails at work? Am I the only person who thinks this is disgusting?

I guess I wouldn’t expect to see someone shaving or trimming their nose hair or plucking their eyebrows or brushing their teeth at work (outside of the bathroom at least) – so why should it be any different when speaking of fingernails?

What annoys me most is that “clip” sound as they sit there and trim away. I actually dislike that sound so much that I never use a nail clippers on my own fingernails and haven’t in years. Instead I use a small scissors to trim them and actually I find it is not only quiet, but it also prevents the clippings from flying through the air where they will undoubtedly land somewhere you wouldn’t really want to find nail clippings.

This brings up another rather disturbing thought however. When I have heard and seen people trimming their nails at their desks, they don’t even bother to do so over a trash can – so I can only assume they are comfortable with their old nail clippings falling into the carpeting or flying over their cubicle wall where they might land in a co-worker’s coffee cup. Yes, that is quite the disturbing thought.

Maybe I’m the only person who is easily annoyed and maybe this shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but to me I rank this right up there with picking your nose or eating with your mouth open. Alas we have found the true downfall of mankind… the simple inability to think outside one’s own benefit radius.

Bathrooms and the Workplace

What is it about people that makes them flush (pardon the pun) all common sense and respect for others down the toilet the minute they enter a bathroom at work? I’m serious here – I have a hard time believing these people act this way at home, and if they do….well let’s just say I hope they are single.

Let me be clear here – I am not talking about public restrooms at the mall or at a truck stop. I am talking about the bathrooms at my place of work… a white collar company where people are assumed to hold an above average IQ and where you might mistakenly assume people understood basic decency for their fellow man.

Now obviously I can’t speak for what women do in their bathrooms, but it cannot possibly be as repulsive as what some men do in ours. I kid you not…I have walked into many a stall to find the previous occupant was obviously too busy to flush when he left.

Really? Your day is so action packed you don’t have the three seconds it takes to hit the lever and/or push the button? Even if there are sensors do people not bother to check to be sure they actually work before leaving?

I have also seen times where there is a small pile of wadded up toilet paper sitting next to the toilet. Now granted I’m not about to inspect it to determine what is hiding within the toilet paper itself, but I have to assume it isn’t pretty. The best case scenario plays out as if someone was blowing their nose while on the toilet and couldn’t manage the physics of how to toss the paper into the toilet while seated, but the alternative is even more disgusting.

Is it really possible to “miss” depositing the toilet paper into the toilet? Ok, perhaps I could understand this if someone was three years old….but as far as I know everyone working here is at least 18 so you might think they have had enough practice to understand how the process works.

We also have the guys who are a tad too shy to use a urinal and thus they decide it is best to pee in the stall instead. Now let me state for the record that I have no problem with anyone who isn’t comfortable with taking a leak while standing next to another guy… I think there is a little bit of reluctance in us all, so using the stall is an acceptable option, but is it really that difficult to NOT piss all over the seat?

All I’m asking for is to open up the lid before starting. Heck they don’t even have to use their hands if that creeps them out….just use the foot to raise the seat before dropping the pants….it really shouldn’t be that hard. But in the real world this is obviously too much work, so before someone else can use that particular stall they need to wipe the seat down and clear all the “residue” off of it. If there is a lower point in the work day I have yet to find it, but I can promise you any amount of cleanup required is far better than not bothering and realizing your mistake after you sit down. Not a pleasant thought really.

Then we have the guy who thinks it makes sense to do his dishes in the very sink that is less than 18 inches away from a urinal…..a urinal which is currently in use by the way. Ok – I get it that you ate lasagna for lunch and you don’t want to leave your Rubbermaid container laying around all day where it will build up a special kind of funk by 5:00pm, but do you really need to wash the dishes in the bathroom sink? Might the sink in the cafeteria be a better option perhaps?

I wish I could say that is the worst of it, but frankly it isn’t even close. All men know there is a certain “code” that comes into play in the bathroom – and this code includes such rules as which urinal to use when one of them is currently occupied, the banning of small talk while in the middle of your activity, and even the prohibiting of “questionable” noise while certain bodily functions are occurring. Even with such rules in place, I can honestly say I have witnessed each and every one of them broken countless times.

Where is the self-respect from the guy who is making so much noise in his stall that you are actually embarrassed to be in the same bathroom as him for fear someone might see you walk out and mistake you for him? Where is the common sense from the moron who thinks it is ok to call his girlfriend on his cell-phone while standing in front of the urinal? Where is the pride from the guy who walks out of the stall past three or four other men only to exit the bathroom with not even so much as a quick rinse of his hands at the sink?

Then we have the guys who obviously are incapable of tossing their paper towels in the trash or the guys who have yet to figure out how to keep the water in the sink instead of all over the counter. I’m not exaggerating here….in most of the bathrooms in my workplace, you will find the counter is covered in water about 80% of the time – it is even to the point that you need to be careful to not lean up against it or you will end up with wet pants that make you look like you didn’t quite make it to the restroom in time.

At this point I’m pretty sure if you took a poll of the senior executives at major corporations across the nation you might find that one of their favorite perks isn’t the luxury box seats at the local stadium, the free membership to the country club, or the use of the company jet for personal vacations. No, I’m quite sure one of the most beloved perks is the key to the executive washroom…..because at least in theory it will be the cleanest restroom in the place with the lowest amount of ignorance let through the door.

I guess this is just one of those things that really harms my image of my fellow human being. If we are so incapable of the basic traits that separate us from the other animals on the planet we might as well just be chucking our own feces at one another while beating on our chests.

I haven’t quite seen that yet…..but at this point I’m not sure it would even shock me.